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Arizona Tenants Advocates » Satire

Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

WE NEED YOUR HELP

Monday, July 20th, 2015

A recent news article has announced $100 million to track down alien life. According to Donald Trump it is already here and unwelcome. While Arizona Tenants Advocates (ATA) assists all in-state residential renters without regard to national identity, we have traditionally been limited to earthly abodes.

In order to transcend this, ATA is initiating a program to discover extraterrestrial life forms and claim the $100 million reward. We really don’t care if they are intelligent or stupid, because landlords will doubtlessly abuse them either way. If we succeed, ATA can expand to become the first inter-planetary tenants rights movement.

But we are stymied in our efforts. The Russians, the Trumps of the world (and beyond), and those who have previously been abducted are blocking our efforts to expose the truth. We are having a hard time reaching this new target population, and can’t do it alone. Your participation is sought to get the message out that alien rental life really exists. Please join our search by donating $1,000 or $1 million, or whatever you can afford. We can also accept payments in gold or moon dust, remitted in monthly or lifetime installments. Payment can even be wired - or ethereally conveyed wirelessly - from the bardo.

Additionally, ATA wishes to engage the help of all Arizona renters to search the skies. For each off-planet union member recruited and/or apprehended we are offering 1% of our share of the reward, collectible through our partnerships with NASA and the NSA and the American Psychotic Associations & Sons, Ltd.

Please help us protect Martians from unscrupulous landlords. With your active assistance we could even reach Pluto, Ceres and beyond. The truth is out there, and so are we. Join us.

Arizona Tenants Advocates is an equal opportunity offender of landlords. We will not discriminate and will take affirmative action measures to ensure against membership discrimination and other conditions of incognizance or incontinence on the bases of race, color, gender, national origin, age, religion, creed, disability, veteran’s status, sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, species classification or evolving dimensionality. Sweet Transvestites from Transsexual Transylvania are welcomed.

- Ken Volk -
July 20, 2015